Life's Little Discouragements vs. My Stubborn Persistence

Ok, I have to admit that this past week I was really close to giving up on the whole "Russian Project." What makes it worse is that the whole reason is money. I hate money troubles; I've had them practically my whole life. I keep being told to budget in enough money for unexpected government and school-related problems (which I am trying to do). However, I first have to earn enough money to purchase my plane ticket and to cover all the costs for the first month or so until I start receiving my salary. Yesterday I realized that it no longer matters that I am putting in 11 hour work days, by the time I leave for Russia, I still won't have enough money to cover everything.

This being said I have decided that I am going to apply for a loan. While I hate doing so, I can see no other option right now. If something arises that makes it absolutely impossible for me to go and give it a try, then I can live with that - as long as I have done everything possible. I strongly feel like Russia is where I am supposed to be, and I know that if I give up now, I will always regret it. And I don't have regrets.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 94:19 When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.

-- Your hopefully, soon-to-be Russian Traveler --

Update:
I have officially received my loan. I am so thankful! The whole process went much smoother than I expected, and I have enough to cover most of my costs and start an emergency fund. God is so good!

Saying Goodbye

Today I said goodbye to most of my best friends. It's hard parting from each other without knowing if or when we will see each other again. In high school, when I said goodbye to my friends, I knew that we would at least see each other a few more times because we shared a common home town to which we would return each summer. It's different with college friends. We are leaving now to go our own ways. We don't share a common town: we shared a common school. When that school time is gone, so is our daily contact. We still have facebook and email, but we don't have each other's actual person to lean on and hug.

My friends have meant so much to me the past three years. In high school I never had a lot of friends with whom I could actually hang. I had two really "best" friends and a few others that I would see at school. At college there was a group of us. It was actually a new experience for me to have a group of friends, and it actually took some adjusting. But I loved them all. We shared. We laughed. We cried. We joked. We played. We lived.

I'm excited to go to Russia, but I am not looking forward to going back to my high school days (metaphorically speaking of course). I don't mind going to Russia and being temporarily "friendless." Aloneness does not bother me. I've spent most of my life alone and isolated. I am just as content reading a book as hanging with a group. In addition, I am looking forward to making new friends, which while it is difficult for me, I plan on doing my best to find friends as well as to be a friend.

This blog has officially become much more sentimental than intended. I'm usually way too practical to let things affect me like this. Oh well, I guess it just goes to show the value and importance of those we love.